Feature | May 26, 2018

10 Ways to BBQ on an Exoplanet

By Thalia Rivera

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    There are over 3,700 planets in our galaxy. Spend Memorial Day barbecuing it up on any of these alien worlds.

    (WARNING: Don't try any of this on Earth—except the last one.)

    55cancrie Illustration

    1. Lava World

    Janssen aka 55 Cancri e

    Hang your steak on a fishing pole and dangle your meat over the boiling pools of lava on this possible magma world. Try two to three minutes on each side to get an ashy feast of deliciousness.

    51 Peg Illustration

    2. Hot Jupiter

    Dimidium aka 51 Pegasi b

    Set your grill to 1800 degrees Fahrenheit (982 degrees Celsius) or hop onto the first exoplanet discovered and get a perfect char on your hot dogs. By the time your dogs are done, it’ll be New Year’s Eve, because a year on this planet is only four days long.

    Animated GIF of Skydiver on Alien World

    3. Super Earth

    HD 40307 g

    Super air fry your duck on this Super Earth, as you skydive in the intense gravity of a planet twice as massive as Earth. Why are you air frying a duck? We don’t know. Why are you skydiving on an exoplanet? We’re not judging.

    HAT-P-11b Illustration

    4. Lightning Neptune

    HAT-P-11b

    I’ve got steaks, they’re multiplying/and I’m looooosing control. Cause the power this planet is supplying/is electrifying!

    Sear your tuna to perfection in the lightning strikes that could flash across the stormy skies of this Neptune-like planet.

    Kepler186f Illustration

    5. Red Earth

    Kepler-186f

    Tired of all that meat? Try a multi-colored salad with the vibrant plants that could grow under the red sun of this Earth-sized planet. But it could also be a lifeless rock, so BYOB (bring your own barbecue).

    Kepler-70b Illustration

    6. Inferno World

    Kepler-70b

    Don’t take too long to prep your vegetables for the grill! The hottest planet on record will flash-incinerate your veggies in seconds!

    WASP-12b Cartoon

    7. Egg-shaped

    WASP-12b

    Picture this: You are pressure cooking your chicken on a hot gas giant in the shape of an egg. And you’re under pressure to cook fast, because this gas giant is being pulled apart by its nearby star.

    Kepler16b Illustration

    8. Two suns

    Kepler-16b

    Evenly cook your ribs in a dual convection oven under the dual stars of this “Tatooine.” Kick back and watch your two shadows grow in the fading light of a double sunset.

    Venus Illustration

    9. Takeout

    Venus

    Order in for a staycation in our own solar system. The smell of rotten eggs rising from the clouds of sulfuric acid and choking carbon dioxide will put you off cooking, so get that meal to go.

    Earth Illustration

    10. Take a Breath

    Earth

    Sometimes the best vacations are the ones you take at home. Flip your burgers on the only planet where you can breathe the atmosphere.

    Grill us on Twitter this Memorial Day and tell us how bad our jokes are.